We made it

through our first full day apart,

as I returned to work

the boys off to the sitter.

I had been dreading this day for 12 weeks

(how did time go so fast?)

I think it was harder on me than them.

The baby woke at 5,

ate

and snuggled back into his cozy nest of flannel blankets.

This was our usual cuddle time,

after early morning breakfast

and before

everyone else awoke for the day.

The usual time for him to cuddle against my chest

for me to breathe in baby smell

in quiet

as we drifted back into sleep.

But today I laid him back alone.

He was fine,

my heart was not.

I prepared for work,

somewhat excited for adult interaction.

I began to leave, feeling ready and not on the verge of tears.

I almost make it

then I hear

"Mommy? Moooommmyyyy, moooooommmmmyyyy..."

I had to go in

to hug him

to kiss his mussy cheeks.

I do, tell him I love him,

turn to leave as Jake takes over

but first he says "Are you OK?" and pulls me into a big bear hug

the crocodile tears begin. 

"Its OK, the day will be over before you know it." he reassures me.

He is right, it is only 10 hours, I can handle it.

I make it to work, and that is the question of the day,

"are you OK?"

All the other mommies know how I am feeling.

The support helped as I counted the minutes.

It was strange being back,

reminding myself of the certain steps I follow,

the drugs and dosages,

the politics of work.

Catching up on gossip

and talking about my sweet boys.

I start setting up for my first case.

The room is quiet until the nurse enters and turns on the radio.

Savage Garden~

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life.....

The tears well up,

but I knew I couldn't let them fall.

I was here to care for others,

and besides

I had my secret weapon.

I found him in my purse on the way to work.

So, he stayed in my pocket all day.

I reached in,

gave him a squeeze,

and remembered the day my boy and I

fought off the bad guys together with this super hero.

This made me smile

only 9.5 hours left.

love, the rockinryans