2020, the wheels fell off.....

Sean's Birthday marked a change in our lives.

Covid-19 entered the world,

causing chaos and confusion.

To try to contain the virus,

life started to slowly shut down.

We questioned going out to eat on March 16th,

as slowly restaurants, and all other public places ,

began shutting down.

A bitter time of confusion,

at first a little fun for the boys.

March 16-20th

we called our "Spring Break".

Not much changing,

apart from not wanting to go out much.

People started hording...

Toilet Paper!

Of all things!

We stocked up on some food items, 

but for the most part the grocery store kept up with the needs of the community.

Bread, eggs and meat were horded by most.

Some patients saw this as a great time to have surgery,

others cancelled elective procedures right away.

An already stressful place of work

now comes with immense new pressures and worries.

This is the week I stopped sleeping.

my sister is jealous I am at work.
I wonder if I should be here?

The boys are safe, 

but I am possibly bringing home new bugs.

I feel so torn.

When I am working, guilt for being at work,

when at home,

guilt for not being at work.

The biggest guilt-

not heading to the front lines.

To the places and people that could benefit from my skill set.

That could possibly be me walking into a firing line.

Would it be worth my life?

My husband becoming a young widow?

My children growing up without a mom?

It eats at me.

Keeping an eye on those boys!

March 17-22

What was supposed to be Spring Break

ends up as the beginning of the forever break.

Travel starts shutting down,

Stock market crashes,

The world starts realizing this illness

is more than "just a flu".

Jake is now working from home,

and the boys are trying to adjust to

no friends, no football and being home bound.

They handle to pretty well.

Sean has a little more difficulty.

I think they miss routine,

none of us knowing what to really expect.

A bright spot,

donuts! 

Ordered a few months back as a PTA fundraiser,

we were still able to pick them up!

Yum, and a smile!

March 22,

a Birthday to not forget.

I really can't complain,

cold day, no place to go,

wine and cheesecake in the fridge,

and gifts for me!

YES!!! TP!!!

Trying as hard as I can to enjoy this day,

blocking the negative vibes and anxiety creeping over me.

Home school,

work,

safety and health

and that dang GUILT!

Almost too much,

but knowing we are not alone helps maintain an almost-calm in me.

welcome to the new world,

love, the rockinryans